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fuckin people.. [14 Jun 2003|12:14pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

im at brandys. i feel like shit. my hair is crappy and i already washed my makeup off once. i have no good clothes and arghh.

last night we went to pnut. i think my feelings were just all in my head but im still thinking about it. john actually gave me a hug i was surprised. mr laubach jr. was there and so was levy. oh and cherry.

i feel bad and selfish for saying this but it just makes me so maddddd. my feelings are shit, i kno, but just bc she doesnt kno about them doesnt mean she has to act that way anyway. getting urself a name and finding out the hard way -- fuck what i say cuz it really dont make a difference.

hah im such a retard but thanks for putting up with it :) byee

1 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

mMmMhiiyA . . [08 Jun 2003|06:24pm]
*hii CasSiE <3

- just thought i'd let you know ... I LOVE YOU <3
haha; anyway.. I hope you had a great weekend!

[ Luh-V y0oh alWAAyz ]
*bRAndY <3
suck on my neck <3

- i don't wanna be there when ur coming down, & i don't wanna be there when u hit the ground - [27 May 2003|07:11pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

brandy-- my very long journal entry to keep you busy :) lyy

today was like every other school day. those ones where i don't get enough sleep, the day went by without me even seeming to be there, i was in my own world, and whatever. ever since i talked to brandy about -him- i've been thinking about -him-. it's bad. feels like im going back to my own solitude. i just wish i could change so many things. i want to be in that position again and be myself. i won't lie to him anymore. god, and it just pisses me off thinking that slut slept with him. she doesn't and won't ever know. i guess i couldn't be let down if i didn't expect anything at all from people but hell, lets all just start over :[ i miss the happiness he use to give me. it was unlike *ANY* other feeling. i can't lie to myself or anyone else. this is it. realizing once more that i'll never be able to get over him. he's always going to be a part of me, whether i like it or not i guess. but i do like it. the bad attention was better then no attention at all and he was just simply p.e.r.f.e.c.t - thinking back on it, tears me apart. i wasn't strong enough to keep him in my life, i wasn't mature enough, or stable enough mentally. i just want his attention again, good or bad. don't let go of the one who makes u smile. hold them close, don't let your friends sleep with them at your own sake:\ heh. how could i let my angel get away.. ?¿

well this morning sarah told me her dad doesn't want me hanging out with her anymore. oh, heh there goes another friend. and it's all because one fucking desicion i made in the beginning of the year. i screw myself over. im so tired of it. i want to change and i've just begun that with her OUT of my life. i just need time. i guess that's too much to ask. argh. i hate it all :\

rob.. one of my closest friends. he's been doing heroin and he told me on the day i was having so much trouble dealing with scott and it was just another burden on my shoulders. he let me down. nothing less. he always told me he'd never do that and fucking look. i can't take it. he told me he was quitting and staying at his moms away from all that shit but looks like hes not. remember how i said i thought he was fucked up the day i saw him after school? well he was. this is making him only care about himself. he was never a selfish person but now he somehow is. and i don't wanna deal with it but i can't let him in it all alone. he said ' i kno you went through something tragic but you don't understand.' fuck that. he doesn't understand. i just get so ~frusterated~ and everytime he calls and he sounds fucked up i just wanna hang up on him. but im too afraid to ask him so i don't kno for sure but i should trust my instinct. i hate him for doing it and i hope one day he reads this and realizes what hes putting me through as well as all his family that cares. he doesn't wanna go to rehab bc 'it won't work' well neither will doing line after line and i kno damn well, he can lie and deny it but it -is- going to end up with him shootin. and i just can't fucking deal.

this friday we have an 'all sports day' thats some gay shit. and i can't skip bc of all the days i've missed let alone being suspended. im not going to participate and i'm not going to wear yellow as all the freshman are suppose to. what are the going to do, put me in the inschool room, big fuckin whoop. this weekend im hopefully going with brandy to her dads bc it's tias bday :) we'll prolly go to pnut and what not, but who knows for sure. brandy wanted me to have a long entry so i talked about everything on my mind. shes napping cause tia bo bia's on playing sims til 7, but she'll bb in less than 15 mins. that's about all for now. byeee

1 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

survey from bee.. [25 May 2003|12:07pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Name: Cassandra
Date of birth: 08/26/88
Zodiac sign: Virgo
What time is it now?: 11:25am

On the Love Side--

Do you like someone now: kinda.. yeah.
if so who: levi :[
Do u have a boyfriend/girlfriend: nope.
Have u ever cheated on someone: yes.
Have u ever been cheated on: most likley.
Have u ever had sex: yes.
do u believe in true love: sure do.
do u believe there's true love for everyone in this world: yes.
do u believe in love: yes.
What is ur idea of a perfect date: anything perfect.
if u could marry anyone in the world who would it be: my first love.
do u have a new crush every week: nah.

On the favorite side--

person: brandy
band: none.
time of day: night.
fruit: cherries :)
veggie: just salad.
dessert: apple pie.
meat: steak.
actor: tim green, adam sandler.
actress: sarah michelle gellar, kirsten dunst.
athlete: allen iverson.
person to talk to online: brandy.
website: livejournal, hotmail.
cartoon: recess, scooby doo.
superhero: superman.
computer game: don't play them.
movies: city of angels, coyote ugly.
song: unconditonal love.
rapper: 2pac amur shakur ;]
pop diva: christina aguilera, m2m.
video game: none.
tv show: passions, ricki lake.
font: comic sans ms 9, century gothic 8.
place to hang out: uptown, the park.
football teams: ny jets.
basketball teams: celtics.
college: kings college, bloomsburg university.
state: cali baybee.
country: this one.
jewel: diamonds.
flower: white roses.
car: mercedes benz.

On the Future side--

who do u want ur future husband to be: read above.
future job: dental hiygienist, something secretary wise.
future college: read above.
how many kids do u want: how ever many pop out.
boy names: kolby scott, treyton micheal.
girl names: corryn renee, others.
would u rather have a boy or a girl: boy.
where do u want ur honeymoon to be: somewhere perfect.
wedding: something unforgetable.
where do u want to live: outside a small town, but not too far.
have u ever played mash: use to.

On the Beliefs Side--

aliens: sure why not.
ghosts: yeah.
cows from outerspace: hmm no.
love: yes.
hate: of course.
luck: yes.

What do you think of--

surveys: not bad.
chain letters: waste of time.
men: dogs.
women: ?¿
dating younger people: fine.
older people: smell funny.
teen driving: great.
teen drinking: good times.
teen smoking: awesome.
using illegal drugs: good times.
teens having sex: it's your choice.
dating: lovely.
bugs: need to be kilt:)
sharks: terrifying.
chinese food: tasty.
white rappers: most suck.
dating people different then ur own race: no difference.
school shootings: shouldn't happen.
prez bill clinton: no different from the rest.

On the Friends Side--

who brags the most: bre.
who do u spend the most time with: myself.
who is the smartest: justin meaders.
stupidest: felicia.
rudest: laura.
happiest: none.
saddest: sarah.
who iz alwayz there for you: brandy.
who do u tell all ur secrets to: bridgette.
who is ur best friend (same sex): brandy.
who is ur best friend (opposite sex): rob.
snobbiest: iduno.
sluttiest: laura.
who will be married 30 times: candy.
who will have about 20 kids: bridgette.
who will never get married: felicia.

On the Dis or Dat Side--

peanut butter/jelly: peanut butter.
ocean/pool/lake: ocean.
flares/widelegs/straight/capris/shorts: flares, shorts.
pink/blue/yellow/purple/orange/brown/gray/black: white, grey.
cold/hot: cold.
nite/day: night.
superman/batman: superman.
korn/limpbizket: korn.
country/rap/rock/pop/jazz/r&b/other: rap.
love/hate: love.
tv/radio: tv.
music videos/radio: music videos.
who do you think is better christina, britney, mandy: christina.

On the WOULD YOU EVER side--

skinny dip: sure.
drink milk,pop,salt,mustard,ketchup,mayo,and pepper: hell no.
if no would u do it to save the world: no.
kiss the same sex: yeah.
kill yourself: i haven't yet.
get plastic surgery: yeah.
get a tattoo: sure.
get your private parts pierced: no.
cyber: no.
have a menage trois (threesome): haha.
make ur own survey: don't have the brain.
drink so much you puked: yes.
get high: done it.
eat duck: no.

On the More Questions side--

stranded on an island, allowed 5 things: makeup, brandy, pictures, cell phone, computer, shotgun.
5 people who would they be: brandy, sarah, bridgette, candy, ehhhh.
have u ever been told u talk to much: no.
whats the worst name u ever been called: ...
whats the funniest song: colt45- afroman.
any nickname: yeah.
who gave them to you: people.
would u live in sibera for 2 years to save the world: no.
do u like to party: yes.
do u like to clean: depends.
what's the longest you've slept: never kept track.
have u ever been in the hopsital: no.
if so what for: ---
whats the scariest thing u've ever been through: life itself.
do u enjoy school: fuck no.
are we ever going to find world peace: most likely no.
whats the best adivce given to you: i've been givin alot of advice.
whats the best slogan/saying: fuck the world.
do u play any school sports: nope.
do u have school spirit: nope.
are u a cheerleader: no.
is cheerleading considered a sport to u: yeah.
whats ur favorite thing to do on the weekends: party.
whens the last time u went on vacation: iduno.
do u watch late night tv: yes.
do u watch cartoons: hardly ever.
whens the last time u took a bath: thursday.
what do u call the remote control: this is gay.
whats the worst scent in the world: phecies.
have u ever been abducted by aliens: no.
is elvis really dead: yeah duh.
do u have AOL: fuck AOL.
if u can remove one word from the english lang. what would it be: iduno.
whats the best memory of your childhood: iduno.
what radio station do u listen to the most: 97.1.
what tv station do u watch the most: mtv.
are u addicted to anything: cigarettes, ...
would u rather type or write: type.
do u know any foreign languages: spanish.
what did u learn today: nothing important.
have u ever been hazed by an upperclassman: no i'd kill them.
have u ever gone a whole 24 hours without sleep: yes.
do u believe in heaven/hell: yes.
god: yes.

On the Survey Side--

do u have fun filling these out: maybe.
do u actually read them when people send them to you: if i feel like it.
did u have an all around good time: no.

suck on my neck <3

- i'm not afraid, and i don't want your heart to break - [24 May 2003|02:01pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

well yesterday, after school i went home with the lovely sarie. hah, we walked to her dad's then went to the elementary school and chilled with tanaya, jen, and mike a lil. rob walked half way there with us and i swear if he was fucked up, which im thinking he was cuz he wouldn't even look at me when i talked to him and it's just a feeling i have, im gonna freak :[. then we went back to her dads and then we were gonna go say happy birthday to jay but he left his dads already so we walked to chris hanaways and chilled there for like a half hour. then as we were walking out we saw drucker and harvey. and omg is he horrible. ([harvey i mean]) they were gonna smoke us up but we had to leave. he was talking about oxy's and heroin i said i knew all he was doin. he asked how and i said, don't u think people talk about that kinda shit. ugh he upsets me. he showed me his arms that were all bruised up and disgusting, he got skinny and pale. then we met pimpin ;) haha he followed us home.

so then her mom came around 4:30 and we went back to her house and straightened our hair, got changed and put a lil makeup on. then we were off to the mall. i got like 6 pretty rings from claires and jsut walked around. then i was getting really hot and w/e so i walked out the store and went to sit in the picture thing cuz no one was in there and then i looked over and saw levy. i just smiled at him and he came over and gave me a hug. so we sat with him and his friends for a lil then they went to go get us cigs the nice ppl they are. well they were actually really antisociable. but anyway then they left and we saw jays car at his work and walked over and he told us to come in and w/e so we did and that was that pretty much. we called her mom and she came and picked us up then took us uptown and we chilled at sal's for a lil with the preppys. hah then wes finally came around and we went with him and pat and smoked a lil. then her mom came at 10 and we went back to her house and that was it.

im home now. and really tired. im feeling blah. i just read lauras info and i don't know how to feel. everythings so fucked up. im just listening to sad music and sitting here in my own self pitty. all alone :( i don't kno what to do with myself or my feelings.

*i wish i could push the fast forward button, just to see if it's all worth it :\*

suck on my neck <3

- as long as we try maybe things will change - [15 May 2003|03:50pm]
[ mood | angry ]

well today flat out sucked. mr. miller is such a dick headed motherfucker. i really hate him.

today wouldn't have been that bad but nothing went good enough to change everything. just the same old -okay- day and i'm getting sick of this shit. at lunch i was tieing my shoe when the irish bitch mrs. irey came and told me to get my foot off the counter. so i was finishing what i was doing and the next thing i know shes ripping my foot off the counter thing. i said u don't need to touch me and she gets all up in my face pointing her finger the cunt whos about 5 foot nothing and i told her she needed get her finger out of my face, she told me i needed to go to the office. i asked her what for and she says 'for being disrespectful' i said what are u gonna do push me there since obviously she thinks she can put her fuckin hands on me in phsycal manners. fuck that bitch. then mr. miller gets on my case thinking he knows wtf hes talking about and brings something about me smashing ppls heads off locker and i just kept saying 'whatever u say' and not paying attention to him and he said if i don't stop it with my sarcasm im going to be walking out of that school suspended and all this shit. man fuck that weasal >: he juts pisses me off. anyway mrs. irey 'doesn't want another confrontation with me again' then she needs to stay out of my damn way.

then 6th pd. we had our last group. it was sad but w/e. i can't wait to get the fuck out of that school. im counting the days. i have nothing to do this weekend. i need something to get out and my mind off shit. i'm hoping something will turn up.

1 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

... [14 May 2003|05:18pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

my day was the same as any of my other days. but then i came home, and was listening to the song 'perfect by simple plan' and it brought me to tears. i feel like i've let my parents down. more or less my dad. i can't leave the house for a weekend without him talking to me about how he couldn't stand to lose me and how he hopes im making the right desicions with the right 'crowd'. in fact i *kno* i've let him down but he doesn't know that. i try and reassure him that i know first hand what it's like to lose someone to an overdose. he says if i ever do something that all i need to do is talk to him bc he'd do anything he could to help me with whatever and i kno he would but i also know how much it would hurt him. i could never bring myself to let him kno bc it wouldn't only hurt him. it always brings him to tears and i kno that hes just afraid and im usually in tears as well. it hurts so much.

and everytime i cry everthing comes down. i start thinking about my cousin who i lost soon to be 10 months ago to a drug overdose. but he wasn't only my cousin he was my best friend. and no one could understand. he was only 19 and the person who knew everything about me. a part of me has been missing since and as the days go by it gets nothing but harder. and then i think if im ever even gonna see him again. i believe in God but it's not always so reassuring. i'd do anything to have one last hug i didn't even get to say goodbye. and everytime i think about it, it feels like someones ripping me apart. literally. the first few months after his death i can say i was in denial. i couldn't cry for him. his last few months as well were so hard. he was on plenty of anti depressants and getting switched from so many to another. he use to call me everynight crying to me about how hard things were. he was in a fight with my whole family at the time of his death as well. i was the only one on his side. i was the only one who stood by him. i fought so many ppl in my family for his sake and i loved him til his death and still do, if not more. one night i was at jens dads' house in benton. he called me bawling, he slit his throat, wrists, and shot up heroin 7 times. the nights he called he'd tell me how he never thought about suicide so much as he did now. his medication wasn't working and he had no direction in life. after his death i couldn't cry for him. i knew he wasn't doing good here. and i hated to see him in pain. i thought now hes in a better place and all that. but things aren't any easier for me. and im trying not to be selfish but :'( i can't take it anymore. my parents don't understand. christmas, his birthday, no one said one word about it. christmas day i went up in my room and cryed. i could hear my parents downstairs critizing me. i can't even put it in words. i could go on and on with the memories he left me with. and the hardest part is no one can kno what im feeling, no one can understand. theres things i won't even tell my family bc they don't even know. that was my everything and im living without him. he was my sanity, nothing less. i don't kno how im getting by but it's a miracle. when i think about it all i wanna do is curl up and die. feels like im being torn apart from the inside. i just wanna be with him. i don't want that one last hug anymore. i want him back. i want him to live his life, he had so much left. and it just hurts i have no other way of putting it.

sitting in my room when i came home, just crying and everything i just felt like slicing my wrists cause i just didn't care. my thoughts were blurry and i couldn't comprhend anything. then i was talking to rob and things aren't going well with him at all. it's all so fucked up. im feeling sick to my stomach. i don't kno if its from crying or not. i just wanna throw up. i can't take this life any longer..

1 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

[11 May 2003|02:59pm]
I hate you so bad
you are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and your
not ashamed of it.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
suck on my neck <3

- really appreciate u loving me, after all that we've been thru - [11 May 2003|10:56am]
[ mood | lazy ]

well here it goes, yesterday woke up around 9 got online and whatnot til about 11:30 got in the shower, got around and all that bullshit. waited for my mom to get home and when she did she took me to meet brandy. a lil after that we ([ brandy, chris, drew, john, meaders, ed, jen, and i ]) were off to knobels where we pretty much walked in circles. i don't kno what we expected but hey what do u want on our year anniversary for a day with the tin man and gang<3

after that we came back to bloom and they wanted to play bball, and drew and ed had to have the car home so we were there. along that while brandy and chris fought and a bunch of bullshit and chris took off in his car ditching me and her with no ride but little did we kno he was only going to 'wendys' so when he didn't come back we decided on walking to unimart. then to kimmys to see if rob was there so i can get a ride home. ended up only tanaya, amber, and kk being there but i got to see lil alexis rose :) how fucking adorabuhl is she?!

on our way back down to the park looking for chris we ended up seeing them dropping jen and kendra off. so him and john put in in reverse and we got in. after that we ended up going to chris' watched a lil TV, and then we decided to go get a pizza. fucking john and i can talk civily when he wants to but other times hes an ass. maybe its jus me but it seems we have good quality fucking conversations when we get along. i don't understand him, i wish i did tho. anyway they got pinapple pizza :x yuck they made me try it and i almost puked. yuckyy. so i was grubbin on the ham and cheese motherfucker :) chase, cherry, and meaders stopped by to 'check there eyes' stupid fucks. i haven't seen chasey in forever tho. a lil after nine chris and brandy took me home and things went good. except chris tried killing me by not stopping the car when i got out. hah better off dead i guess. lol w/e that was my night.

im getting fucking sick :[ my throat hurts and im really weak and BLAHH. but ok. i want school to fucking end. i hate it. then im moving in with a bee. im serious. haha well thats all..

suck on my neck <3

- tryin to make ammends, but im losin all my friends - [08 May 2003|06:00pm]
[ mood | bored ]

today draggeddd, seemed like forever- it was all overcast and shitty feelin. i had group 5th period that was about the highlight of my day. i bitched out justin at lunch and miko and cara were laughin at me and tellin me to do it again. lol i hate him. i will kill that kid someday. -TRUST ME- hah. anyway, not much to update about today. not doing much this weekend. tommorow im jus coming home. i need a day to myself to sleep and bond w/ my mother :) speaking of that mothers day on sunday. i don't have any money so i was thinkin about jus writing her a letter and thanking her for everything. i love her<3

suck on my neck <3

- close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by - [07 May 2003|04:22pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

well i haven't been updating as much as i would like to but i've been drained lately. lets see --

schooL* bridgette was finally in school altho she only missed a day i missed her:] so i spent homeroom with her. 1st period gym we went outside which sucked but was fun in a gayiish school kinda way. hah. 2nd pd, 3rd, and 4th, were just a bunch of bullshit like everyday. laura is acting like nothing even happened. and i hate it. im trying to pull myself away from her so i won't be put on a rollercoaster of being put down and pulled up with her all the time. i sat with her for like 10 mins at lunch then went to sit with bridgette and sarah and them. it was fun jus bein myself with them. after lunch i attacked justin cuz i hate him and then 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th went bye.

home now. bored but fine. like always. we have group tommorow so im glad. i think next year if she lets us have group again it should be a group of all of the old 'us'. so we can talk and reminse a lil<3 i dunno. but w/e.

laura said we should go to knobels this weekend. i told her i already had plans and i hope they still work but who knows. i miss my bindy. heh and i need to get some shopping done. just ideas but w/e my weekends always turn out differnet then i plan them so we'll just have to wait and see..

suck on my neck <3

- met a man who took her in, fed her all the same bullshit again - [05 May 2003|07:13pm]
[ mood | blah ]

eh, i fucking hate school. today went kind of quick. but i'll update u on my weekend.

friday- i came home and then jen asked me to come over so i got a ride with my gram and went to jens and she wasn't home so i walked to lauras and she was making aaron dinner and so we had chicken and baked mac n cheese. then aaron left about an hour later and was suppose to come back in an hour so we went to pnut and chilled for about an hour and a half. aaron neither called or stopped by so we went uptown lookin for him. he was no where to be found. came home around 10 and laura passed out i stayed up with pat and ashley. we ended up going to bed around 1:30.

saturday- got up and around chilled with pat bc laura and ashley slept til 12! mm, pat went to knobels w/ chase ed and drewy!<3 i missed drew so i gave him a big huggy. they left and aaron and his cousin jim came over and so i quick took jen a ciggy and met her at the carwash when i was coming back aaron and laura and all them was on bikes and they didn't even fuckin stop. so i went out with ashley and told them i'd stop over later. me and ashley went to kimmys and chilled w/ tony and corey for a bit & amber and kk stopped over. then we left walked to the park no one was there so we went to the puppy store and called my mom and what not. finally went to aarons. chilled there, a lil bit later ash went home. then around 9 we had to babysit dillan. so we stayed at her aunt michelles and did that all night.

came home sunday and w/e. me and laura just got in a big fight. i don't care tho im gonna try and not let it bother me bc i don't want a 'friend' thats gonna constantly put me down. i wanna get out of school and move in with my bee. hah:) im gonna too. im looking forward to this weekend<33 i hope it turns out ok and is a nice day. im gonna feel really uncomfortable tommorow, cuz i kno lauras not a person to let things go. all she does is talk shit. i wish she would just disappear:\

2 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

- he was talkin shit we put a clappin to that boy - [30 Apr 2003|05:21pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

well lets see, tuesday after school i went to lauras. her momma picked us up and we had to watch brody and dill for a lil til she got back from this auction she was going to. so we got there and laura fell asleep so when ashley got home me and ashley did our thing jus bullshitin and what not chillin. it was a long while til laura woke up, well around 5 or so. she wanted to go to aarons so we took brody to her aunt michelles *rollerbladed* him there is more like it. lmao, ahh crazzy. i didn't fall tho! then we were off to aarons and her mom called like 10 mins after we got there and wanted aaron to help her carry and pick up this shit she got from the auction. she got a really nice dresser with two big mirrors for only 5 dolla and darlene got this couch for only 2 bucks! it was nice stuff too. so we went out to there which was out by steve shannons or somewhere at this church and me and momma-doo played on the see-saws and was cherry bombin each other :] it was fun. then darlene and debbie finally got there in this beat up old brown truck lol it was funny. debbies a crack head tho. so we loaded that shit up and went home drug it all upstairs and it was around 9 when we finished. her mom let us stay out til 10 so we were off to aarons again. got home and went the hell to bed.

today in school was alright. laura had a dentist appt. at 10:30 so i was jus by myself pretty much all day. im tired and tryed sleepin but it didn't work. im just lazy i guess:\ this girl that i don't even talk to said she liked my hair. that made me happy hah:) cuz shes friends with my 'crush' but whatever anymore. this weeks goin fast. i have such a imaginational mind. i just think about alot of shit. and its sad when i have to come back to reality >:{ w/e thats about it.

suck on my neck <3

- if u smoke like i smoke, we get high like everyday - [25 Apr 2003|06:31pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

well, i didn't go to school today. i'm not sick i just had a long night. yesterday at 5 i went to get my hair done. i got it red with blonde highlights :] i like it. so then after that we were on our way to my uncles ([me and my mom]) and my dad was outside playing with my uncle's dog cuz my uncle was in philly and my dad heard gun shots. so he went inside and went out the front door and all these cops were coming and these ambulances. i guess this guys girlfriend got a PFA on him and the cops came to serve it and the guy was threatning to kill himself with this knife. and then he went after the cop and the cop shot him 4-6 times. i don't see any reason this guy had to be shot dead. so thats real fucked up. but anyway i was at my uncles til about 10 at night and got home around 10:30 and was fuckin beat and my dad let me stay home bc it was his bday and he was feeling generous i suppose.

so i just sat around all day pretty much i jus cleaned up my room a lil and im sittin here waitin for brandy to come. shes spending the night and we may be bored but let the good times roll i suppose.

suck on my neck <3

- i can ease ur pain, get u on ur feet again - [23 Apr 2003|04:54pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

blahh, school sucked. i'm getting so sick of the way lauras acting. i mean we're 'suppose' to be good friends but she is ~always~ putting me down. i don't even kno why i try w/ her.. but i'm not going to sit and bitch in my journal about it.

today was fine til about 5th pd. the day seemed to drag on :\ i've not been getting good sleep lately. i feel as if i'm so alone. i hate it. i just want out of school, im in desperate need of summer vacay. just to get away from the inconsiderate people in my everyday life. i just don't kno anymore..


2 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

- gotta get mine - [21 Apr 2003|01:01pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

5 Details About Yourself -
[x] phsyco
[x] jealous
[x] emotional
[x] regretful
[x] obsessive

5 Details About Your Appearance Right Now -
[x] hair - down
[x] tommy girl red short sleeved shirt
[x] mudd jeans
[x] necklace, earrings, & braclets
[x] cover up, light mascara, eyeliner

Five Things You Did Yesterday -
[x] woke up around 10
[x] went home
[x] ate easter dinner
[x] sat online
[x] downloaded songs

Five Memorable Things You Did In The Last Year -
[x] drugs
[x] went to scott's funeral
[x] got suspended
[x] met lots of great people
[x] brought my grades up

5 Favorite Groups -
[x] tupac
[x] fabolous
[x] sean paul
[x] 50 cent
[x] tom petty

5 Favorite Movies -
[x] outside providence
[x] baby boy
[x] exit wounds
[x] bride of chucky
[x] american pie

5 Things That Make You Happy -
[x] my family
[x] friends
[x] music
[x] shopping
[x] getting what i want

5 Things That Impress You -
[x] reputations
[x] the president
[x] charles manson
[x] the opposite sex
[x] alcohol

5 Things That Don't Impress You -
[x] guys acting like jerks
[x] guys that lead you on
[x] guys that use girls
[x] guys that think they're something special
[x] guys that play head games

5 Things You Can't Live Without -
[x] brandy
[x] air
[x] sleep
[x] AIM
[x] guys

5 Things You'll Do When You Complete This -
[x] patchwork interview
[x] eat
[x] talk online
[x] check email
[x] go to the mall


[x] Your First Name Backwards = Eissac
[x] The Story Behind Your Username = i'm pathtik
[x] Are You a Lesbian? = are you?
[x] Where do you live? = bloomsburg
[x] 4 words that sum you up = i get my way
[x] School = Bloomsburg High School
[x] Purse = you can find everything in there
[x] Hairbrush = i have a pick and a black brush
[x] Toothbrush = pink w/ pink and white bristles
[x] Jewelry Worn Daily = 8 silver earrings, 3 silver braclets, my silver necklace, my mommy and daddys pre engagment ring<3
[x] Pillow cover = white striped with baby blue
[x] Blanket = my huge most comfiest blanky
[x] Facewash = neutrogena
[x] Street] = scotch valley dr.
[x] Neighbors = hardly any
[x] Coffee Cup = blackk
[x] Sunglasses = need some
[x] Underwear = thong tha thong thong thongs
[x] Shoes = new kswiss and the new iversons
[x] Favorite Shirt = mint green liz claiborne
[x] Favorite Pants = tyte pants
[x] CD in stereo right now = a burnt mix
[x] Tattoos = none
[x] Piercings = 8 in the ears
[x] What you are Wearing Now = see above
[x] Hair = brown/straight
[x] Do you like Candles = love them
[x] Do you like Incense = yes ma'am
[x] Do you like the Taste of Blood = nah
[x] Do you believe in Love = sure
[x] Do you believe in Soul Mates = yep
[x] Do you believe in Love at First Sight] = nope
[x] Do you believe in Heaven = yes
[x] Do you believe in Hell = yes
[x] Do you believe in Forgiveness = yes
[x] Do you believe in God = yes
[x] Do you believe in the Devil = yes
[x] What's your Favorite Insult? = fuck off
[x] What are you gonna do when you're Older? = 1st college
[x] How many songs do you have? = only 12 on this one
[x] Look out your window, tell me what you see = that's ok
[x] What is the latest you've ever stayed up? = all night

suck on my neck <3

- my days are cold w/o you - [20 Apr 2003|04:43pm]
[ mood | okay ]

longgg 2 days :) hah. let me fill yaz in..

well friday i went to lauras around 6, waited around for rob but he never called so we decided to go out and look for the fucker.. stopped at kimmy's no one was there. walked uptown, still no one. walked all the way the fuck down to tha park and not a soul there either. so we stopped at the pet shop and played with the lil puppys for like an hour and a half cuz it was drizzlin balls outside then we decided to leave cuz a nasty old ass pervert that worked there was eyein us up. then we finally decided to walk home cuz there ain't shit to do in bloom. laura was in bed before me so i ended up sleeping on the air mattress w/ ashley. we talked all night about stupid shit and finally went to bed.

the next morning i woke up to laura screaming my name at 7 in the morning cuz she wanted me to see the cat humping her leg. we started getting around soon after that and was off to williamsport 2 hours later. first we stopped to pick up darlene in berwick, her moms best friend. we went to pick up darlene's daughter kristy in williamsport she was livin with a friend cuz she recently got outta jail. i met her and shes cool as shit. after that we went to tjmaxx and shopped a lil. laura got a really cute jean outfit and some shoes. then we left for walmart and got a lil lost. 'she goes what does a kyacher know' lol w/e anyways after walmart we went to wendys to eat:D then to value city at the mall. on our way home there was an accident on the highway and there was this lil mexican dude driving one of those mac trucks. hah and he totally stared all of us up while he was drivin by. so darlene rolls down her window and was all tryin to talk mexican and says 'yo essay u wanna get nekkid?' it was the funniest shit ever the guys jus laughin his ass off and so the next thing i kno we're all tellin her to take off her shirt so there goes her shirt and shes twirling it out the window and me, lisa, laura, and kristy are fuckin losin it. he finally gets ahead of us and stops and darlene took it all off and is shakin her tits for him oh godd.. it was might fuckin crazy.

finally we got back to lauras and she wanted me to see if i could sleep over again and we'd all go to darlenes and chill out cuz it was a nice day. so thats what we ended up doin'. it was funn as shit. jus chillin with everyone there. me and laura were chillin up in andrews room and decided to tag this one picture he drew and he came home and flipped on us we was jus pickin on him and he was gettin pissed. then later he locked his door cuz he said his room would never be the same. and we wouldnt let it be. the neighbor guy called the cops on us cuz we were being loud the cocksucker. we didn't leave there til 11 and got home.. everyone was still with us. 3 car loads of them. then they made a run to buckhorn and came back. it was finally after 12 and laura and ashley got their easter baskets from jade the easter man for the night he had nothign to give me but he came up with a easter hug and kiss :) heh it made my night but anyway they didn't end up leavin until 2 and me and ash were together again cuz laura passed out. so we chilled with her momma for awhile. gotta love her. she felt so bad for not gettin me anything for easter and was like if i knew u woulda been staying here i woulda got u something and kept apologizing. but its all good. finally got to sleep a lil after 3 and i was fuckin beat.

woke up this morning about 10. mom came and got me at 11 and we went to my grandmothers for easter dinner. im home now bored as shiiit. but its ok im enjoying the peace and solitude. well that was about it for them days. i'll leave it at that<33

suck on my neck <3

* you do something to me - i can't explain * [18 Apr 2003|08:52am]
[ mood | blank ]

im so sick of everyone, why even try ..

suck on my neck <3

[08 Feb 2003|08:16pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

i'm backkk <3333

2 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

and it's just like honey<3 [26 Jun 2002|11:23am]
[ mood | hot ]

ugh its so fuccin hott! i hate it
it makes all my makeup look like shit
as well as my hair! >;[
arghh! anyway ..

robs dad will be here soon 2 pick me up
im going there all day
im suppose to swim but i dun wanna
jus wanna tan
+ i dont feel like bringing all my shit
that i'd need afterwards soo.. yeah

scott came to see me yesterday
he threw a fit tho cuz my mom
wouldnt let me go w/ him tanning lol
i love that kid
but thursday we're going shopping
cuz he gets paid :D

i dunno what else goodbye! <3

1 (xoxo) suck on my neck <3

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